The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
