If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
