just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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