There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
