remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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