Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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