If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
