Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
