Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
