I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
