Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, beer. Big fan.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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