when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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