Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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