that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
