if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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