My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
