He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
