i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
