Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
