My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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