oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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