Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
