I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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