btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
