All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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