I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
