Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
