this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This baby is an asshole
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
