I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
