so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
