Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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