i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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