I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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