There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
