So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
