Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
