...so i touched it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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