some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
