she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
