yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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