and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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