Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
