we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
