So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
