I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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