I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
