My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
