I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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