I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
