Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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