I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
