We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
