I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
