There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
