i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
