You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
