I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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