He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
