Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
