She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
