She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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