go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
