Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
