Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
