Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
