I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
