I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
