He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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