he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
