sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
