I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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