Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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