Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
