My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
