Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
