To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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