how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
