Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
