I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
