I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
