but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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