Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drake has all the answers
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
