Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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