she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
